Sign, sign, everywhere a sign…
Hi everyone!
I’ve decided to document
this special time by starting a blog. First some background.
When I was twelve years
old, I had the prettiest little diary. It had a velvety cover with little pink
flowers all over it. My Secret Santa at school that year had given it to me and
for the longest time I couldn’t bear to write in it, it was SO pretty, but then
I finally did. I wrote about what I did and what I ate and what my hopes and
dreams were.
Well… I came across that
old diary one day while you-know-who was at work and I was cleaning out the
extra room formerly known as Hubsy’s Man Cave. (You can imagine what that
looked like!)
A LOT was on my mind.
A BIG decision was about
to be made.
I’d been working all day.
The room was cleared and the closet was empty except for the shelf. I’d worked
up quite the little sweat. I took a quick ice tea break and dragged the step
stool in from the pantry. I pulled down what must have been twenty hats. (How
can any man have so many hats?!) Then, all that was left was tucked way back in
a corner on a shelf in the closet. I had NO idea what it could be and even
wondered if it could have been something you-know-who had been hiding. But OF
COURSE that wouldn’t be it since he’s nearly perfect. I made a mental note to
add to my prayer list a request for an open heart and endless trust. Anyhow! I
lifted the lid off the old box and saw the diary and was immediately
transported back to my twelve year old self. I picked it up and stroked its
still velvety cover and opened it to a random page.
Let me tell you, what I
saw sent a shiver right down my spine. Here’s what I read:
Dec 29, 1994
Auntie June came over after church with her new baby,
Amelia Charity, and she let me hold her for ten minutes on the couch. She’s so
pretty and sweet and soft. I can’t wait till I have a baby of my own. Sometimes
I feel so grown up already. I mean, I know I’m not ready to be a wife. Being a
wife requires wisdom and patience and sacrifice and that only comes with time.
That’s what mama says. But being a mother is the most natural, perfect,
beautiful thing in the world. And I feel ready for it. RIGHT NOW.
Well… there you have it!
How’s that for timing? Those of you who know me (if anyone out there in
cyberspace is reading this!) know that hubsy and I want nothing more than to be
parents but, for such a LONG TIME (still holding out hope and faith!), we’ve
had the worst of luck (really, the worst) the, ahem, natural way.
Then…
Last Sunday at church,
Pastor Ken gave his sermon on James 1:27 about helping women and orphans,
especially orphans, and how adoption is a true Christian path. I looked over at
hubsy who was nodding off just the tiniest, little bit and I gave him a nudge
until he looked at me because it just felt like Pastor Ken—and God through Pastor Ken—was speaking directly to us. My eyes welled up with
tears because I still wanted my own natural baby. Throughout my whole entire
life, that’s what I’ve dreamed of, imagining every bit of it from the morning
sickness to the baby reveal to the labor pains to that first, glorious moment
when a sweet nurse puts my very own baby into my arms in the hospital bed.
Then…
The next morning I was
laying in bed looking at my phone. I wouldn’t usually be lolling in bed but
hubsy and I had been up into the wee hours talking about adoption. I was
looking at one of my favorite websites and had just clicked on an article—10 Myths About Christians—when an ad
popped up.
😲
Words appeared on a black
background:
Adopt A Baby
Free Adoption Assistance Available
Contact An Advisor Today
And I clicked on it. And
this is what you won’t believe. This is how I know it is divine providence. Wait for it…
The ad was for our OWN
church.
And that was the very
same day I found the diary. A diary that proved that even as a young girl, all
I wanted was to be a mother.
Till next time…
Whoa.
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