Hello
friends, let me tell you a little story. When I was a little tot, I just loved
mystery books. I would always get one in my fuzzy red stocking at Christmas. My
favorite series was one where a girl named Evelyn who was smart as a whip
always seemed to find trouble. In one story, her grandmother’s Bible went
missing. In another, the communion wafers at the church were mysteriously
disappearing. In each one, Evelyn solves the mystery by learning that no matter
how clever she thinks she is, she must trust God in every situation. That will always lead you to the truth.
I
loved those old books because sometimes I felt so alone when I was that age at
public school. I imagined Evelyn was my friend and we would solve mysteries
together. It was hard being one of the only Christian children in school. I
mean, I suppose most of them would have said
they were Christian, but if truth be told they weren’t living the Christian
life fully where every moment of the day you walk in the Spirit and allow
yourself to be guided to combat the world, the flesh, and the devil. And that
was the key, the key to the Evelyn mysteries, the key to all of life’s mysteries:
letting yourself be guided. Submission.
I
have submitted.
All
of which is to explain why I might sound a little more subdued than usual.
This
has been a very difficult time. I have buried my dearest hubsy who now resides
with the Lord. He was not a perfect man, I know that now. But he tried so hard
and that is what matters. The mystery now is what does the future look like for
me. Don’t get me wrong, I am not afraid. My faith is unwavering. But sometimes
when I look out the window it is as if everything is surrounded by the most
impassable fog.
It
is times like this that I feel so lucky to have so much support from the
church. With Pastor Ken gone, Pastor Sam, who had one foot on the golf course
as they say, haha, has come back to the church full time and taken the reins.
He says the cultural exchange program will now just be local outreach. A camp
for needy children from quote-unquote inner city DC, who will be invited out to
enjoy the facilities now that the orphans can’t.
Sigh.
I
am only relieved that Tiffany came to me before it was all shut down. If it
were up to me, I would figure out a way to continue the program, no matter
what. Nothing is more important that saving those orphans. Perhaps someday I
will have the wisdom to do something great. In the meantime, the church is
still my rock. They have been nothing but sustenance to me. As a matter of
fact, someone from the church is here with me every moment of the day, right by my side.
Sadly,
that means Tiffany has to stay as quiet as a mouse in her little bassinet in
the corner of the closet and I only get to see her when I am alone at night in
my room. Sweet Tiffany has been my solace through this strange and twisting
journey. And she always will be. She is the most perfect little angel. It’s almost
as if she knows what I’ve been going through. She never makes a fuss. She eats,
sleeps, and plays, all just… perfectly.
