Secret Dispatch!

 

Hello friends, let me tell you a little story. When I was a little tot, I just loved mystery books. I would always get one in my fuzzy red stocking at Christmas. My favorite series was one where a girl named Evelyn who was smart as a whip always seemed to find trouble. In one story, her grandmother’s Bible went missing. In another, the communion wafers at the church were mysteriously disappearing. In each one, Evelyn solves the mystery by learning that no matter how clever she thinks she is, she must trust God in every situation. That will always lead you to the truth.

I loved those old books because sometimes I felt so alone when I was that age at public school. I imagined Evelyn was my friend and we would solve mysteries together. It was hard being one of the only Christian children in school. I mean, I suppose most of them would have said they were Christian, but if truth be told they weren’t living the Christian life fully where every moment of the day you walk in the Spirit and allow yourself to be guided to combat the world, the flesh, and the devil. And that was the key, the key to the Evelyn mysteries, the key to all of life’s mysteries: letting yourself be guided. Submission.

I have submitted.

All of which is to explain why I might sound a little more subdued than usual.

This has been a very difficult time. I have buried my dearest hubsy who now resides with the Lord. He was not a perfect man, I know that now. But he tried so hard and that is what matters. The mystery now is what does the future look like for me. Don’t get me wrong, I am not afraid. My faith is unwavering. But sometimes when I look out the window it is as if everything is surrounded by the most impassable fog.

It is times like this that I feel so lucky to have so much support from the church. With Pastor Ken gone, Pastor Sam, who had one foot on the golf course as they say, haha, has come back to the church full time and taken the reins. He says the cultural exchange program will now just be local outreach. A camp for needy children from quote-unquote inner city DC, who will be invited out to enjoy the facilities now that the orphans can’t.

Sigh.

I am only relieved that Tiffany came to me before it was all shut down. If it were up to me, I would figure out a way to continue the program, no matter what. Nothing is more important that saving those orphans. Perhaps someday I will have the wisdom to do something great. In the meantime, the church is still my rock. They have been nothing but sustenance to me. As a matter of fact, someone from the church is here with me every moment of the day, right by my side.

Sadly, that means Tiffany has to stay as quiet as a mouse in her little bassinet in the corner of the closet and I only get to see her when I am alone at night in my room. Sweet Tiffany has been my solace through this strange and twisting journey. And she always will be. She is the most perfect little angel. It’s almost as if she knows what I’ve been going through. She never makes a fuss. She eats, sleeps, and plays, all just… perfectly.